There are people who prioritize time and there are people who prioritize money. I am most definitely a person who prioritizes time. From a young age, I was always in a hurry. My mother told me once that the Alabama song, "I'm in a Hurry (And Don't Know Why)" was my theme song. My mother was absolutely, 100% correct on this point. I'm not entirely sure why or how I became to be a person who was in a hurry but I definitely always have a sense of urgency. As I have matured, I have learned a little more patience when it comes to things and have tried to slow down.
As I have analyzed this quality about myself, I have come to realize that often I see things that waste my time...such as people, their actions, etc.,...as a sign of disrespect. Now rationale Weesa, realizes that just because I think someone wasting my time is being disrespectful doesn't mean that is the intended sentiment. Nonetheless, I tend to respect other people's time. I try not to be late when someone is expecting me. I try not to take too much time completing something they are waiting on.
When I was growing up, we had a tractor to cut our grass since we had a large yard. On the tractor, there is a rabbit setting and a turtle setting and I always found that way of describing the tractor's speed amusing. I am ALWAYS on the rabbit speed. So needless to say, dealing with people who are turtle speed tend to annoy me. The challenge is not letting myself get upset when someone wastes my time...or I perceive that they are wasting my time. As much as I wish I could control how someone else functions in order to not waste my time, I realize that the other person may not see it as wasting time and that is just their process.
I could go on and on about my annoyances with people who operate at a different speed than I do or with people who don't prioritize time like I do. The interesting thing I have discovered however is that I don't respect my own time. Yes, I get annoyed with people, places or things wasting my time. But what I seem to forget is that I have control over my time. I have the power to remove myself from a situation that is wasting my time. Instead of respecting my time and taking control of it, I let other people waste my time.
Being a people pleaser and a person who prioritizes time is difficult. I hate wasting my time and hate feeling as though I can't get the things done I would like to get done because I am spending time and energy on something else. But I do it all the time. I sacrifice my own time ALL. THE. TIME. for other people or things. Bottom line is that I prioritize other people over myself. Doing this seems noble and respectable in my emotional brain. I want to be there for others. Help them with the things they need help with. Be there when they need me to be there. But this takes time...my time. Because I value time so much, this leaves me feeling bitter and irritable...maybe tense and stressed out...which in no way helps my anxiety struggle.
So what is a girl to do? I need to respect my time. Respect myself. Prioritize myself. I struggle with this because it feels selfish and self serving. But the reality of it is, if I don't respect myself, my time and prioritize me...I won't have the energy to help others. I enjoy helping others. I get fulfillment from being there for someone. But I feel like I need to fuel myself first, be there for myself first. Like in the airplane when they tell you to put a mask on yourself before helping the person next to you. I need to respect my time because I can't expect anyone else to do this for me.
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